Looking Forward, Looking Back

By Serli Polatoglu (Grade 12)

“For of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these: ‘It might have been!’”
-John Greenleaf Whittier

I am the most contemplative person you will ever meet – no matter how small the decision, I analyze, subdivide, and categorize each possible outcome and its repercussions. Every possibility is an opportunity, and every decision has a consequence. A question as simple as “Where should I eat today?” can be broken down into a thousand facets. What I eat now will determine how hungry I am later. If I go out to lunch, I may not go to dinner with my family, and without me they will not recognize the famous author seated at a neighboring table. I won’t spill my ice tea on him, and I won’t spend the next ten minutes apologizing. We won’t have an insightful conversation that will result in his guidance and mentorship, and this event will not cement my writing career.

However, if I don’t go out to lunch I will avoid making eye contact with the boy seated across the restaurant, and he won’t spend the next seven minutes agonizing over whether or not he should come talk to me. He won’t casually saunter over to my table, and reveal that he is my long-lost brother from Nicaragua.

I could simply decide to take a different route home, not give change to the hobo who’s usually seated on the street corner, and he could do himself bodily harm because no one showed him an inkling of compassion. Or, I could stick to my usual route, avoid noting the trying times that plague people in the lower half of town, and not be inspired to found a nonprofit organization by the time I’m twenty.

Alan Lightman’s Einstein’s Dreams detailed the notion of parallel universes – a world where every possible action occurs, and every reaction is forever changed. I spent an entire Friday eating frozen yogurt and, in concert, agonizing over the infinite number of parallel universes that would exist if every possibility became a reality. Then I began thinking of what a parallel version of myself would do, instead of sit at a table and contemplate asking for a free sample.

Every decision is a missed opportunity. The decisions you make create experiences, and your experiences define you. So, a decision as simple as my choice of eatery could forever change my life. This is why I agonize over every decision - I want to be sure I pick the best options for myself. Whittier makes me want to seize the opportunities that are most appealing, rather than stick to what’s generic and ordinary. His quote inspires me to be extraordinary – to push myself outside my comfort zone and accomplish something in the process.

I never want to look back on a decision and think of what could have been. I want to look back on my life and be confident I made the best choices. I’ll be able to evaluate my judgments by counting my regrets - the fewer I have, the happier I’ll be. And rather than thinking of what “might have been,” I’ll happily think of what has occurred and look forward to what’s yet to come.